Sample Essay For Editing

Anyone who has gone through the ecstasies and agonies of writing an essay knows the satisfaction (and sometimes the sadness) of finishing. Once you've done all the work of figuring out what you want to say, arriving at an arguable and interesting thesis, analyzing your evidence, organizing your ideas, and contending with counter-arguments, you may feel that you've got nothing left to do but run spell-check, print it out and await your professor's response. But what spell- check can't discern is what real readers might think or feel when they read your essay: where they might become confused, or annoyed, or bored, or distracted. Anticipating those responses is the job of an editor—the job you take on as you edit your own work.

As you proceed, remember that sometimes what may seem like a small problem can mask (be a symptom of) a larger one. A poorly-worded phrase—one that seems, say, unclear or vague—may just need some tweaking to fix; but it may indicate that your thinking hasn't developed fully yet, that you're not quite sure what you want to say. Your language may be vague or confusing because the idea itself is. So learning, as Yeats says, to "cast a cold eye" on your prose isn't just a matter of arranging the finishing touches on your essay. It's about making your essay better from the inside (clarifying and deepening your ideas and insights) and from the outside (expressing those ideas in powerful, lucid, graceful prose). These five guidelines can help.

1. Read your essay aloud. When we labor over sentences, we can sometimes lose sight of the larger picture, of how all the sentences sound when they're read quickly one after the other, as your readers will read them. When you read aloud, your ear will pick up some of the problems your eye might miss.

As you read your essay, remember the "The Princess and the Pea," the story of a princess so sensitive she was bothered by a single pea buried beneath the pile of mattresses she lay upon. As an editor, you want to be like the princess—highly alert to anything that seems slightly odd or "off" in your prose. So if something strikes you as problematic, don't gloss over it. Investigate to uncover the nature of the problem. Chances are, if something bothers you a little, it will bother your readers a lot.

2. Make sure all of your words are doing important work in making your argument. Are all of your words and phrases necessary? Or are they just taking up space? Are your sentences tight and sharp, or are they loose and dull? Don't say in three sentences what you can say in one, and don't use 14 words where five will do. You want every word in your sentence to add as much meaning and inflection as possible. When you see phrases like "My own personal opinion," ask yourself what "own personal" adds. Isn't that what "my" means?

Even small, apparently unimportant words like "says" are worth your attention. Instead of "says," could you use a word like argues, acknowledges, contends, believes, reveals, suggests, or claims? Words like these not only make your sentences more lively and interesting, they provide useful information: if you tell your readers that someone "acknowledges" something, that deepens their understanding of how or why he or she said that thing; "said" merely reports.

3. Keep in mind the concept of le mot juste. Always try to find the perfect words, the most precise and specific language, to say what you mean. Without using concrete, clear language, you can't convey to your readers exactly what you think about a subject; you can only speak in generalities, and everyone has already heard those: "The evils of society are a drain on our resources." Sentences like this could mean so many things that they end up meaning nothing at all to your readers—or meaning something very different from what you intended. Be specific: What evils? Which societies? What resources? Your readers are reading your words to see what you think, what you have to say.

If you're having trouble putting your finger on just the right word, consult a thesaurus, but only to remind yourself of your options. Never choose words whose connotations or usual contexts you don't really understand. Using language you're unfamiliar with can lead to more imprecision—and that can lead your reader to question your authority.

4. Beware of inappropriately elevated language—words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or jargony.Sometimes, in an effort to sound more reliable or authoritative, or more sophisticated, we puff up our prose with this sort of language. Usually we only end up sounding like we're trying to sound smart—which is a sure sign to our readers that we're not. If you find yourself inserting words or phrases because you think they'll sound impressive, reconsider. If your ideas are good, you don't need to strain for impressive language; if they're not, that language won't help anyway.

Inappropriately elevated language can result from nouns being used as verbs. Most parts of speech function better—more elegantly—when they play the roles they were meant to play; nouns work well as nouns and verbs as verbs. Read the following sentences aloud, and listen to how pompous they sound.

He exited the room. It is important that proponents and opponents of this bill dialogue about its contents before voting on it.

Exits and dialogues work better as nouns and there are plenty of ways of expressing those ideas without turning nouns into verbs.

He left the room. People should debate the pros and cons of this bill before voting.

Every now and then, though, this is a rule worth breaking, as in "He muscled his way to the front of the line." "Muscled" gives us a lot of information that might otherwise take several words or even sentences to express. And because it's not awkward to read, but lively and descriptive, readers won't mind the temporary shift in roles as "muscle" becomes a verb.

5. Be tough on your most dazzling sentences. As you revise, you may find that sentences you needed in earlier drafts no longer belong—and these may be the sentences you're most fond of. We're all guilty of trying to sneak in our favorite sentences where they don't belong, because we can't bear to cut them. But great writers are ruthless and will throw out brilliant lines if they're no longer relevant or necessary. They know that readers will be less struck by the brilliance than by the inappropriateness of those sentences and they let them go.

Copyright 1999, Kim Cooper, for the Writing Center at Harvard University

Essay Editing Tips and Samples

Click here for a complete list of editing samples!

Below are some helpful hints on how to edit your own essay.  We also provide you with a couple of samples of the editing you would receive from our service.


SAMPLE 1                         SAMPLE 2


  • Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation Check – One of the most basic, yet also most overlooked, elements in editing is the spelling and grammar check. Most word processing programs such as MS Word and WordPerfect contain these features. Yet, upon completion of a document, many people will often overlook these useful features in their desire to finish working on the document. Spend the extra couple of minutes required to run a spelling and grammar check. Usually these programs will also highlight problems in the use of punctuation in documents. Ultimately, the quality of the final document will reflect this added attention to detail

    This being said, a word of warning: do not automatically accept the changes spelling and grammar checks suggest in documents. Sometimes the spelling suggestions are themselves erroneous. This is particularly the case in documents that contain technical jargon (i.e., computer manuals, IT reports etc.) where many new terms may not yet even exist in the word processor's dictionary. As well, given the complexity of the English language, grammar checking programs – while handy – are notoriously unreliable. This explains why human editors and proofreaders are still widely used in journalism, business and government today.

  • ESL Problems – Colleges and universities today contain large numbers of students for whom English is a second (or even a third) language. As a consequence, editing is particularly important for these students. There are a number of editorial issues that frequently occur in the writing of individuals who are not native English speakers. In particular, during editing pay close attention to: incorrect use of definite and indefinite articles (i.e., the/a); confused use of present and past tense; and number agreement. While some of these errors may be caught by grammar checking programs, the best means of addressing these problems is through proofreading by a native English speaker or editing professional.

    In cases where such assistance is unavailable, a useful editorial trick is to read the text aloud to oneself. Those for whom English is a second language usually hear more English than they read. Thus, frequently they may notice that a sentence does not “sound right” in cases where it seemed okay when writing it on the page.

  • Active and Passive Voice – This is one of the most common problems in student writing. In general, one should rarely have to write in the passive voice, and only when one wants to emphasize the receiver of the action rather than the doer. The passive voice can be identified by the past participle with some form of the verb “to be” (am, is, was, were, has been, have been, and had been). For example:

    Passive Voice: My paper was eaten by a dog.
    Active Voice: A dog ate my paper.

    In the first example above, the subject of the sentence – paper – is passive as it is acted upon. In the second example above, the subject – dog – is active as it is performing the action.

    Look for examples of passive writing when editing your document. As an editorial rule of thumb: the active voice should be used most often, and the passive voice used sparingly.

  • Clear, Focused Thesis Statement – A central element in almost every academic term paper is the thesis statement. Usually this takes the form of a single sentence at the end of the introductory paragraph of a paper. In editing your document, ask yourself how closely the thesis statement reflects the argument(s) in the body of the paper itself. Often, in the course of writing a paper, new ideas or variations on the initial thesis will appear. Your thesis statement should be revised to reflect these changes (if any).

    It is also extremely important that the thesis statement be concise and focused. If you find that you cannot describe what your argument is in a single sentence, it is likely that your thesis is not clear enough. Spend a minute or two asking yourself precisely what you are saying in the document, and then put this into words (e.g., “This paper will argue that President George W. Bush's tax policies are fundamentally flawed…” or “It will be shown that the foreign policy drift of the Clinton administration led directly to the events of September 11, 1991…”).

  • Formatting/Appearance – The visual appearance of a document is often closely associated with how the document will be read and evaluated by your audience. In general, avoid non-standard margins and line spacing. These are easily identifiable as attempts to make text documents - in particular, term papers – appear longer than they are in reality. For the same reason, avoid non-standard fonts (Times New Roman, Courier and Arial are the most widely accepted fonts) and font sizes (12-point is the most common).

  • Run-on Sentences – This is one of the most common errors in student writing. While experienced writers can frequently craft long and complex sentences that are grammatically and syntactically correct, for most of us it is wiser to be conservative in our writing. Sentences that contain multiple instances of the word “and” or the use of several or more commas are more than likely run-on sentences. These may be easily edited by separating them into two or more component sentences.

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